Crazy 2am Ring Shopping

When you’re ring shopping at 2.00 in the morning because you couldn’t sleep because you had an argument about who should clean the house… and you’re ring shopping and you don’t need a ring but you feel like looking and then you’re like ‘Whatever why not, I deserve it right?!’

So you’re ring shopping and you see something you like and you’re like ‘Whut I’m not spending $750 on ring‘ and then immediately your tired, alcohol ridden brain goes, ‘Or am i’?

And you pause,

And you ponder that for a minute.

And then you go well, ‘I mean he doesn’t check my credit card’ and if it got to the point where he was like ‘Baby what the hell, why is your credit card so high’, you could be like ‘oh I needed new tires, I had it done while you were at the thing’.

Knowing he wont ask when, or ‘What thing’ or notice the tires because he’s a guy trained tactically and aggressively in the art of not noticing things.  Plus he’s not a car guy he wont know they’re not new tires.

So you stare at the ring and then eventually you’re like ‘We’ll I wouldn’t spend $750 on that ring…’ but you keep looking until you find one, worthy of your money that you shouldn’t spend but don’t really care because he wouldn’t agree to a cleaner and if you have to clean the house yourself because he wont, you should do it wearing a ring that makes you feel like a princess, not some cheap and tacky bling, something exotic, tasteful, something fit for a Queen.  And something that costs $750 or more because I’m worth it, I need it and if maybe after this he’ll pay for a cleaner.  Afterall its probably cheaper in the long run.


And the ring… Which fits perfectly on my middle finger.




Alessandra is basically 20. Shes the version of 20, you wished you were but you were more interested in rollerblading, climbing trees and swimming in creeks, now your like 30 and OK with wearing sweatpants, feeding your cat and drinking cheap wine out of the bottle… ok fine, out of the cask, featuring bad artwork and a less pretentious description on the back. Stuff Alessandra and her braids, stilletos and clothes stealing ways. You’re rockin the sweatpants and your cat loves you. #badartwork #stuffalessandra #yellowglen #pretentiousstyleseries #weirdlyspecificlabelling #sellwinethatsaysfor30somethingstodrinkaloneintheirapartmentswiththeircatswhodontjudgethemfordrinkingoutofthebottlewithastrawmostnightsiftheweek #ithinkijustnailedwinelabelling

The Terrors of The Morning

That moment when you’re waking up slowly and you hear a boy band belting out an anthem and think your house has been broken into by a group of overenthusiastic overmadeup 14 year old girls or ironic hipsters cooking weird salmon pancakes. Then you wake up more and realise you live with your mum and she’s trying her best, ‘Oh my music didn’t wake you up did it? Here hold this for a moment, you could help me clean the house now you’re up’ move. You did wake me up and I was terrified.  I was ready to grab my bug out bag, smash a window and practice my Tom Cruise hands chopping the air run.

Why can’t I get woken up by birds carrying ribbons like snow white or by a lovely bear who makes porridge.  Snow White, Goldilocks stop hogging all the heartwarming home decorating breakfast making woodland creatures.