When you’re ring shopping at 2.00 in the morning because you couldn’t sleep because you had an argument about who should clean the house… and you’re ring shopping and you don’t need a ring but you feel like looking and then you’re like ‘Whatever why not, I deserve it right?!’
So you’re ring shopping and you see something you like and you’re like ‘Whut I’m not spending $750 on ring‘ and then immediately your tired, alcohol ridden brain goes, ‘Or am i’?
And you pause,
And you ponder that for a minute.
And then you go well, ‘I mean he doesn’t check my credit card’ and if it got to the point where he was like ‘Baby what the hell, why is your credit card so high’, you could be like ‘oh I needed new tires, I had it done while you were at the thing’.
Knowing he wont ask when, or ‘What thing’ or notice the tires because he’s a guy trained tactically and aggressively in the art of not noticing things. Plus he’s not a car guy he wont know they’re not new tires.
So you stare at the ring and then eventually you’re like ‘We’ll I wouldn’t spend $750 on that ring…’ but you keep looking until you find one, worthy of your money that you shouldn’t spend but don’t really care because he wouldn’t agree to a cleaner and if you have to clean the house yourself because he wont, you should do it wearing a ring that makes you feel like a princess, not some cheap and tacky bling, something exotic, tasteful, something fit for a Queen. And something that costs $750 or more because I’m worth it, I need it and if maybe after this he’ll pay for a cleaner. Afterall its probably cheaper in the long run.
And the ring… Which fits perfectly on my middle finger.
That weird moment when you bust your mum mainlining comedy clips on youtube…
Which is super weird because she’s never watched one of your clips on youtube.
That moment when you’re waking up slowly and you hear a boy band belting out an anthem and think your house has been broken into by a group of overenthusiastic overmadeup 14 year old girls or ironic hipsters cooking weird salmon pancakes. Then you wake up more and realise you live with your mum and she’s trying her best, ‘Oh my music didn’t wake you up did it? Here hold this for a moment, you could help me clean the house now you’re up’ move. You did wake me up and I was terrified. I was ready to grab my bug out bag, smash a window and practice my Tom Cruise hands chopping the air run.
Why can’t I get woken up by birds carrying ribbons like snow white or by a lovely bear who makes porridge. Snow White, Goldilocks stop hogging all the heartwarming home decorating breakfast making woodland creatures.
Yelling ‘shut up’ repeatedly at my husband he is reading the Outlander blurb to me! Soumds soooooooo bad. I would watch the crap out of a Sci Fi scholars review on it…
I count 19 cliches in the blub.
After serving as a British Army nurse in World War II, Claire Randall is enjoying a second honeymoon in Scotland with husband Frank, an MI6 officer looking forward to a new career as an Oxford historian. Suddenly, Claire is transported to 1743 and into a mysterious world where her freedom and life are threatened. To survive, she marries Jamie Fraser, a strapping Scots warrior with a complicated past and a disarming sense of humor. A passionate relationship ensues, and Claire is caught between two vastly different men in two inharmonious lives. “Outlander” is adapted from the best-selling books by Diana Gabaldon.
That moment when your mum says, ‘Oh you have a comedy facebook page’ and when you tell her how to like it she’s all, ‘I just don’t have time for more stuff clogging my feed’.
Omg my huzband just said the c word to me!
I’m like completely outraged. I said we should grab some wine and he was all ‘closed’.
Wow one post and facebook is hassling me to boost, boost boost. If I want juice i’ll make it myself and then i’ll probably put gin in it. Or champagne.